My Birthday~

Aha.....My birthday, what a interesting topic right??? hee hee~ It's my 22 Birthday, seems like nothing special for me =x unless my dreams come true! I know it's hard.......but i will wait! It's has been so long i didn't thinking out of my mind, i didn't talk properly with someone deep into heart, cause i am just like block with the world outside. I know i shouldn't be like that, but it's hard to control sometime.

It's time for me to tidy up myself and preparing for the war! THE WAR is STARTED !!! lolls............as you know, the exam is drawing nearer, the feeling is killing me deeply. I hope i can get rid of this feelings, due to the unsuccessful last year, i feel really no confidence of myself. Here is my experience, first, i feel just so so go into the exam hall and sit for the exam is not a big deal, i can just simply answer the question with my answers, books, notes which i had prepared for the exam as it is a opened book exam and i got 40% JUST 40% chance then i can pass it, its easy right? yet i can find the answer from my books,notes or some general knowledge for business. Unfortunately, the result is pulling me down, i got fail for only got 20%, oh my....half of the chance. May be i can say i just go for the exam like betting??? Well.......However, forget about the first time, when i am back to hometown, i got the second chance to sit for my resit exam again!

Hurrayyy.......there is a second chance for me, i should handle it well and pass it! I must, i told myself with some unsure feeling from the bottom of my heart. Everyday, family asked, hows ur preparation for ur exam? whats ur percentages of passing ur exam? `No Worries! I am sure i will pass it! `I replied. Cause i think i got a tutor,a very comforting study place, a happy environment, a confidence build me up during i prepared for my exam! I just realised, i have learn nothing and don't know anything for the first time exam... I started to figure out myself, started to work it on the computer myself, i try hard to find out the answer without anyone helping! then the teacher said, she don't know all about my module, i didn't say it clearly! What the heck ~ the last week u told me like this? how i gonna find a new teacher for myself? so i gonna work it myself, luckily my dearest friend cc give me a hand at the hardest time. I am full of confidence although i feel embarrassing of failed ....I want to pass it to prove that i can make it for my family, and its an open booked exam, i am sure i can do it! Plus i have learn a loads when i try it myself, i understand how to do it, its just a piece of cake! Well, i am overflow confidence of myself i guess, the result is depress me again!!!

AGAIN!!! AGAIN!!! When i heard my result, i stunk, i feel like cried out of my heart, i feel like shouting like hell, i feel like closed myself into darkest place which i can't even see my fingers and cried why this is so unfair to me, why everyone pass but me not! Why i know how to answer it from the paper but i don't know how to answer in the exam hall!!! LOADs of why popping out from my mind..... I am walking home like zombie, i feel my soul is floating out from my body, i feel my brain keep turning 360` none stop........thinking what i am going to do next! what's the consequence when i do it, what should i say to not disappointing my parents? What i am gonna take next???? ...........I am kind of lost in somewhere. Fortunately, i think of God, i ask him why do let me fail again this time? immediately, i feel its like something happened, he is telling me everyone got difficulties in life, life isn't that smooth, and this is the challenge, God arrange this to me. He wants me to learn......I learn! i know there is some kind of mission that God want me to do....i am a bit afraid of the coming exam....Really! i hope my preparation is enough for me to face the exam! i am so nervous, i scared to know the result...Sigh

Well, it's really a long stories...I am talking about my birthday actually = =""" Hmmm......
Come back to my birthday, cause i know every year someone will celebrating birthday for me.I appreciated it a loads... Also, i know there will be a cake, definatel， a dinner of course, may be some presents? and its the end of my birthday! Sometime, i can understand why Shirly is afraid that her birthday is coming, and she asked everyone don't to celebrate for her~ haha........It's feel like after the big day past, its a empty shelf back to normal life, nothing special is adding into life but only ages is increasing. Saying that, you must face the fact, you are one year older than before!!! hahahaha...... and last, what i want to say is, have read Sharon's blogs, which is my beloved sister, although everyone don't believe we born from a same parents! OKAyyy??? She is my LOVES sister forever... Ur prayed which you added for me seems like all ur wished but not me = =" This is what you always expect me to have, although it's true for me... hahaha~ Now , i wanna make my own~ which is,

1, I hope grow better in faith to God, continued serving him as my only God.
2, All of us past our exams and get into the higher level of education! (see, you guys are in my wishes) i gonna lost one wish...... haha
3, We all have good health and families......
4, I want to continue transformed into a better christian or human being... hehe
5, i know moving out staying alone is a fact, i had accept it, and i want to increase my confidence level, independence level, pretty level, slimmer level, knowledge level and more~

I want to study not because of study! i want to study because i love to......I want to build up stronger aspiration, so my dreams may come true!